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Well here i am again complaining about my pain...I got into an argument with my husband yesterday cuz he seems to think he knows the pain i'm in and he thinks i could be doing alot more to make myself better. I strongly feel that if you don't have chronic pain and have never had it you can't tell someone how to fix themselves..he is not a doctor and he is part of the reason i am in the condition i am in.  We have been married for 26 years  on the 11th of june and 8 years of that time he beat me so bad that he is part of the reason i am in this condition..he seems to know this and he says he feels bad about it but he don't feel bad enough to help me with the pain he just tells me that i need to exersize more and get out of bed more and etc etc....he goes on and on but he can't realize that it's not that easy. If i could do that i would be more than happy to ...i did a foolish thing not to long ago because he keeps telling me to get more exersize so i got ont he trampoline with my granddaughter and i was being pretty smart cuz i know my limits and the whole time i am on there he keeps telling me how that's not the best thing for me to be doing and that i am going to cause me more pain..MAKE UP MY FRIGGIN MIND...either i exersize or i dont' ..i walk alot..well when ever possible and even that causes me to be in bed sometimes for 2 days or more cuz i can't move afterwards. No matter what i try it doesn't help the pain is from deg. dis disease and alot of the pain right now is from the last back surgery i had and i got a staff infection which almost took my life . because of the infection it didn't heal right and now i have screws loose in my back and they hit on nerves, muscles, scar tissue...you name it and it is so painful sometimes..All i'm saying is if you don't have it and never had it the pain is so overwhelming that nobody can see it on the outside so they don't think about it..I think that has alot to do with the fact that some people don't understand chronic pain ..BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SEE IT..and for most people if they don't see it it's like it ain't there..i don't know how much sence that made but i hope you understand what i'm saying..kinda like a cutter who has pain but can't see it so they cut to make the pain visable to make it real. I am not a cutter and hopefully never will be. but he needs to get off my ass about how he thinks i could be doing more..i would never wish this pain on my worst enemy but just once for 10 minutes i would like to give it to him so he can feel what i am feeling..he says he understands...HE DON'T UNDERSTAND...how can he????anyway i just needed to vent for a minute and thanx for listening

I wish i could get my surgery and he keeps telling me that i have had to many already and he thinks i am addicted to surgeries..WTF does that mean?? If the doctor says it is going to make me feel better i think real hard about it and weigh the pros and cons of the situation and i am at a loss with this one cuz he is the same doc who did my neck surgery and messed it up and now the pain is worse and he did my back surgery to and now i hurt way worse and i know i need a different doctor but my husband is layed off right now and i have no insurance. i tried to file for medicaid and they say i don't qualify cuz i don't have a small child in my home..can't get pregnant so that will never happen, not to mention i am to old for that..so what am i supposed to do?? DEAL WITH IT that's what i do..but i don't need him telling me that the pain can't be that bad..EEERRRR it is so frustrating..

IT'S

I only have one thing to say..God helps those who help themselves..Well some of us are doing the best we can ..DON'T GET ME WRONG i DO believe in God..But if i have learned one thing in my life it is this..God answers prayers but, I don't really think it says anywhere that we have to like the answers he give us..DOES IT???

OMG i thought i was the only one in that situation..we are like only $50 or so over the supposed limit that it takes 2 people to live. WTH does this mean..I don't know how these people get by but i do know that i know how you feel because it's like nobody even cares as long as they have money coming in and their bills are paid and they have a roof over their head they treat us like we are pathetic or something..we are really no different then alot of people and we are just to the point where we can't take it any more and we have stooped to asking for help and they have assured to make us feel as if we are wasting their time and breathing their air..well i couldn't really help you with your situation but i do want you to know that you are not alone. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS

Something that i haven't really said in the last couple of times that i have blogged is that i don't only suffer from Chronic neck and back Pain, I also have many other problems and my doctor says that i am 'a doctors nightmare' because i have so many things going on that it is hard to know how to treat me..

So in my life this is what i suffer from besides the back and neck surgeries and bad doctor and all that I suffer from COPD, fibromyalgia, manic depression (usually anyone with chronic pain is diagnosed with depression), Hep. C, rhematoid and osteoarthritis, degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis, spondylolisthesis, sclerosis, fibrosis...this is really all i can think of off the top of my head..i have had 2 neck surgeries and 1 back surgery..i have 6 screws in my neck with titanium plate and in my lower back i have 8 screws with rods and the 2 of the screws in the lower back are loose and causing all kinds of hurt and pain that is unbearable..but i just wanted you all to know that i am not just complaining about a little back pain, and my doctor says he don't even know how to treat me with so many different things going on. and you can't go see to many doctors cuz then they say you are doctor shopping when you get any meds from more than 1 doctor..It's a pretty sad situation..but i am trying to deal with it daily..God Bless YOu ALL

Something that i haven't really said in the last couple of times that i have blogged is that i don't only suffer from Chronic neck and back Pain, I also have many other problems and my doctor says that i am 'a doctors nightmare' because i have so many things going on that it is hard to know how to treat me..

So in my life this is what i suffer from besides the back and neck surgeries and bad doctor and all that I suffer from COPD, fibromyalgia, manic depression (usually anyone with chronic pain is diagnosed with depression), Hep. C, rhematoid and osteoarthritis, degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis, spondylolisthesis, sclerosis, fibrosis...this is really all i can think of off the top of my head..i have had 2 neck surgeries and 1 back surgery..i have 6 screws in my neck with titanium plate and in my lower back i have 8 screws with rods and the 2 of the screws in the lower back are loose and causing all kinds of hurt and pain that is unbearable..but i just wanted you all to know that i am not just complaining about a little back pain, and my doctor says he don't even know how to treat me with so many different things going on. and you can't go see to many doctors cuz then they say you are doctor shopping when you get any meds from more than 1 doctor..It's a pretty sad situation..but i am trying to deal with it daily..God Bless YOu ALL

Th not be the best advise for you and i know how you feel cuz i have no insurance and one of my prescriptions is $489. for 30 pills a month, but i have just found out that i can go to this place they call Pioneer counsiling and i see a therapist there for depression due to chronic pain and he is able to help me with this medication and i don't have to pay anything. Another thing i might suggest like i say i don't know if this will help you but have you ever taken Methadone? I used to take oxycontin and i became so addicted to them that i actually started trying to stop my pain by injection the medication so i had to have something that would help me come off the oxys and they prescribed me methadone..they used to use it to help heroine addicts in recovery and i gotta say it helped me ease the withdrawls of the meds and i was just thinking if  you could get a doctor to prescribe you this med then you could at least take it during the times that you don't have the money to get the morphine. It's only like $28.00 a month for 120 tablets i take them 4 times a day..Just a suggestion..i will pray for you and i hope you get the help you need. It really sucks not having insurance. I really don't know what your pain is but i do have fibromyalgia too and all i can say is God Bless you because it hurts my entire body every day all day and it is very painful to get up..Hope this helps you in some way

Well here i am again and i was really hoping since i have been trying every means possible to get my back surgery that i would have had it by now. But i have come to the reality that that is not going to happen as soon as i would like it to. I started this job typing for some friends i know, cuz i figured of all the things i have done in my life typing was the one thing that gives me peace..It helps me stay calm and these people are writing a book and i also have been writing a book about my life and i do mine in the form of a journal. So they liked what i was doing and asked if i would help them out..SOOO i figured "what the heck"...So i started and now the pain just never stops. I guess i should know better cuz it is really hard for me to sit at the computer for any length of time without my neck and back hurting so bad. So i explained to them that i was having a hard time with this and they really don't mind i can do things at my own pace and i really appreciate that***For once in a long time someone out there is being understanding about my pain and they are still giving me that chance***No i am not making any money off of this and that's ok because where i am at right now (broke, no insurance and living week by week with whatever i can get from my husband who is unemployed and doesn't want to give much of his unemployment to his crippled up old lady "well that's what he says anyway"), ....but anyway i am doing this for free because i am that kind of person who thrives on helping others and i finally can help someone and use my brain which is still all there  as i am only 47 i haven't lost the brain but sometimes i feel like i am going to lose my mind...If i loose that i will really be up a creek..lol..ok ya gotta laugh sometimes or you would really go crazy, well i do anyway.

I am very concerned about my situation because at the rate the pain is going i really feel that within 1-2 months i will most likely not beable to walk to good because my left side of my back and hip and now my knee are in so much pain, The pain has spread to the knee and down the calf..I don't know really what to do about it. I am not much of a complainer because everyone that knows me knows my situation and they all feel for me but I'm very sure with so much chronic pain for so long they all got pretty tired a few years ago hearing me complain. The only time i complain now is when i turn just right or go to sit down or stand up and that severe pain (you know the kind that is so out of control that you don't know which way to move or to just stay put or what) then i sometimes have this little scream that i do and i dont' even realize i am doing it til i have stopped. I hope that's understandable.Well that pain is happending all the time now and NEVER EVER stops..sometimes it's bareable but lately it's not at all... So anyway I dont want to be in a wheel chair  Crap I DON'T EVEN WANT THE PAIN, but here it is worse then it has ever been and i see no light at the end of this tunnel. They tell me if i am in a nursing home that i would be cover ed with medicaid but i don't even want to think about that so i am dealing with this as best as i know how..I really thought with this back surgery that i would be better..The dr PROMISED..well i have been hearing things lately about this doctor and how he cuts anyone open and that made me think that maybe i ought to be getting me an attny since it's the doctors fault..or hospital or somebodies that when i left the hospital on that painful day in April 2006 and came home with the aid of a home health nurse and within 2 days i was back in the hospital with a staff infection so bad that it almost took my life..The incision was so infected that it was like eating away making tunnels and then i ended up in a nursing home for 3 months or so and when i checked some of my blood work up a few months ago i realized for one thing my protein levels were so low that my body would not have been able to heal from a  misquito bite..Well after seeing the doctor for the first time about 1 month after i went into the nursing home he actually told me that he did not expect to see me again and no he didn't mean that because he thought i was going to heal ..he said the infection was so severe that it almost hit the spinal cord and he didn't expect me to survive..so yeee haaa i am a SURVIVOR..Well just those words out of his mouth I think daily "Did he really mess me up that bad"??? and as the days and months have went by and i am now in the condition i am in I still wonder DO I NEED AN ATTNY before i think about having another surgery. I was actually going back to this doctor to see what he could do with the pain..The one thing i forgot to say is he also did my neck surgery and he messed that up too and i would not let him touch it again..But he told me that if i had the back surgery it would take the pain from my back as well as relieve alot of pain from my neck..well that didn't happen..so if you are reading this and you have any opinion or experience with a doctor who loves to cut and he ain't that good at it..please let me know, cuz i am really curious what to do here..EVERYONE tells me to sue ..i was thinking i really like this doctor but sometimes the doctors with the best bedside manner are not the best surgeons..i TRY to stay postive but as everyday passes and the pain gets worse and worse it's really hard to stay out of depression. Sometimes i don't even want to get out of bed, talk to anyone, eat, shower...whatever the situation i really get depressed and i really need some words from the wise or the experienced..

So PLEASE say a prayer for me and maybe just maybe i will find the answers that i so desperately need. I don't think i can handle this very much longer but i am trying oh Lord i am trying.so i gotta get off here before my neck falls off.

Thanx for listening

Thanx for talkin and understanding my name is "JODY"..lol but that's ok...

I am not real familiar with this site as i just found it but i am hoping to try to help others and hopfully there will be some there for me..

I just want my life back ya know..i am realistic and i know that it will never be the same but HOLY COW give me some relief..This pain i suffer with hits at any time day or night and in any position..at first it was a few times a day..then it got worse and yesterday i actually had 45 episodes of pain that had me breathless and when i get like that everyone is saying what's wrong what can i do..there is nothing anyone can do cuz i have to move in my own time when the pain subsides..and it's so hard to talk and let them know what's going on when i can't even breath at the time and this upsets everyone and i start getting yelled at "why didn't you just say...." Nobody knows cuz they haven't been through this and to some it seems so simple..To me it is almost LIFE THREATENING..

thanx for caring

   I am a 47 year old female with alot of chronic pain. I have had 2 neck surgeries (C-spine) and 1 back surgery (L-spine) the first neck surgery was years ago and seem  to go well but as the years went on it was necessary to have another one. I have moved since my first surgery on my neck so i had to have another neurosurgeon. While he was doing my 2nd neck surgery they had a hard time keeping my oxygen level stable so he felt (according to him) that he had to get it done and get out ASAP..due to that things didn't set right and the fusions that he did have not taken away the pain and i suffer from that everyday..

I let the same doctor do my 1st back surgery all due to degenerative disc disease, after this surgery (with rods and 6 screws)  i was hospitalized for 1 week and was sent home. After 2 days of being at home and having home health come in to help me daily i ended up back in the hospital because i had a severe infection, at this point i stayed in the hospital for 3 days and then because the incision had to be left open to heal from the inside/out and because the infection had trails that lead from the infection outward so i had to be in a nursing home so they could pack the incision and also the tunnels with gauze 2 times daily..It was one of the worst pains i have ever felt and i have been in alot of pain for the last 10 years. So i spent 3 months in the nursing home and finally was released to go home with home health coming in 3-4 days a week to check and make sure all was going well..This surgery was done in April 2006. When i finally saw the doctor after a month he said he really didn't expect me to survive the infection..BUT THANK GOD FOR ME THAT I DID!!!!!

Now to the present...i am in more pain then ever before and i didn't think that could ever happen, so the doctor did some tests and found out that the fusions didn't heal correctly, and along with that i now have 2 screws that are loose. one is not to bad and i only get pain there once in awhile but on the opposite side the pain never stops and come to find out it is very loose, so loose that i can't move without having such severe pain it takes my breath away and it isn't as easy as "don't move that way" "don't stoop" "take it easier" all of these things don't work because i can be as careful as possible and the pain just hits me unexpectedly no matter how i move or which way i turn..

Now to get to the bigger problem::::The neurosurgeon wants to go back in and take out all the hardware and put this new procedure that consists of taking out all the hardware and putting in some kind of protein with kadivor bone and says that this should take the pain away within weeks..WELL THAT'S WHAT I HEARD BEFORE MY FIRST SURGERY..Now i need the neck to be redone and even more serious i need my L-spine done ASAP, it is to the point that i can hardly walk without being in so much pain. I am scared to death to have another surgery because i have COPD and for some reason they have a problem keeping my O2 stable, but not just that, the fact that the last one almost killed me...so the real problem I have decided one way or another the surgery has to be done but i have no insurance and it's really expensive..So i am stuck between a rock and a hard place..The surgery has to be done, I have no insurance because my husband and i have split up and he is without a job..I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO..But if anyone can help me pay for this surgery I would be so greatful, I would pay it back monthly...I am just in so much pain I don't know what to do...I AM BROKE ..this is a CRY for help..I don't usually ask for help, I am not that kind of person. I haven't been able to work in 10 years but i do the best i can to get by..but this is over my head and i don't know what to do.. I have bill collectors calling me 24/7 on medical bills that i owe that i can not pay and they don't take no for an answer..If you have other ideas or would like to help out please call and i will talk to you if you need to hear more..(307)789-8223...I have tried to get SSD and they say because my husband gives me $600.00 a month to pay my bills that i have to pay (elec. rent, gas, water,...etc..the necessities) that i don't qualify..i tried getting medicaid and they turned me down because i no longer have young children in my home...

PLEASE PLEASE TRY TO HELP ME GET THIS SURGERY....I want to beable to play with my granddaughter who is now 2 and not understanding why gamma is all of a sudden going down hill and can't get up...she is my pride and joy and helps me go on day to day..

I told my doctor my major goals are to beable to run the treadmill, swim, and to go bowling..things i have not been able to do in so many years and things i so much enjoy.. at this time in my life i am one of those people you see at Walmart riding a cart.."I'm 47 years old"...I can't do my own shopping..I wake up in the mornings and i have to wait for my pills to take effect before i can even move..One day my foot was asleep and i got up stepped on it and broke it in 2 places..Life really sucks for me right now..I don't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time and i have to take sleeping meds to help me do that...Chronic Pain "I HATE IT" if i can find a way to at least make the pain bearable i would be happy.

PLEASE FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO HELP ME

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

JODY BOWER